The Spanish Woman in the White Honda

This morning was not a good morning.  I left my house at approximately 7:32am, maybe a minute later than I normally do, no big deal, or so I thought.  Recently, the traffic leading into the high school has not been bad at all.  This morning there was traffic.  Why wouldn't there be?  Amanda Murphy is running late so of course there's traffic because the earth just conspires to ruin my day.  As I'm not so patiently waiting in traffic, I notice the white honda in front of me.  The driver doesn't seem to be as bold a driver as I am and that makes me nervous.  When it becomes their turn to pull into the drive way of the school, the hesitate and now I'm frustrated as it is already 7:38 and I only have two minutes to drive to my parking spot, park and run into the school before I am late for the 16th time this year and get a detention.  The car is literally going 4mph, I promise you I looked at my speedometer.  The white honda and I finally get to the front parking lot, but the driver goes the wrong way and and procedes to pull into the lane where my spot is.  As I go the RIGHT way, we pull into the lane head on and there the car is.  I honk out of frustration and through my hands in the air because they are blocking my spot. Just like the good samaritan I am, I move MY car to the side to let the car move but not without giving the passengers dirty looks and yelling at them in my own car.  This spanish woman and her daughter drive by and give ME dirty looks as if I am in the wrong.  EXCUSE ME LADY IT'S 7:40 me AND your daughter both need to be in school right now why don't you learn how to navigate a parking lot!!!!!!! Needless to say, I was late and I will most likely be recieving a detention anytime now.

Suburban

Shifting from a hard-pressed to a sarcastic tone in "Suburban", John Ciardi utilizes playful allusion, unusual personification and neighborhood satire to convey the trials and tribulations of living in surburban America.

A Modest Proposal

It can be agreed by all parties that recently, children are developing into batty, idiotic, unhinged, criminals killing, assaulting, and stealing, ruining the streets of America. At one point in time America was known for the hope and prosperity it possessed. As said in the famous song “this land was made for you and me” illustrating “the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts” and “the endless skyway” standing on a “golden valley” of how beautiful America is. And now these savages are destroying it.
These creatures grow up to be barbaric because they are most often left unsupervised throughout their childhood. In the 1960s, Betty Friedan sparked the second wave of American feminism giving women the audacity to think they should work. Before this ignition, family households survived off of one income, the man’s, leaving women at home as caretakers. Not only did this explosion of feminism leave children at home alone, but it also created a more competitive economy because with a double income, households were more apt to buy unnecessary items deeming them essential. With this new found competition families find it impossible to have only one income, when in retrospect that is not how it should be.
After eighteen years of observing these crude behaviors that have ultimately transformed America, it is my idea that we, as a society, need to recognize the women for the fall of our country. It is the women’s fault that children are growing up to be cancerous to our society and it is the women’s fault that the economy is in shambles. If the women had never had come up with inane idea that they have the right to work, we would never be in this mess we call a recession. Before Betty Friedan’s moronic idea to inspire women to leave their kitchens and join the workforce, America was in a state of the “Leave it to Beaver” philosophy where women were the caretakers, assuring their children turned out to be perfect housewives and perfect businessmen, respectively. Consider these statistics from the United States: In 1960, before the second wave of American feminism, approximately 912,100 burglaries were recorded while in 2010 approximately 2,159,878 burglaries were recorded, nearly doubling the rate in 1960.
As a solution to this cataclysm, women should be sent back to their rightful domain. Their du ties will include, but are not limited to, ironing and cleaning her husband’s clothes; producing healthy, valuable children; keep up with the house chores such as vacuuming, dusting, dishes, and yard work; greet her husband and listen to him at the end of a long day at work; and most importantly, make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your children can learn to be presentable, honest, satisfactory people who know where and what their boundaries are. This behavior is in stark contrast to the working mother’s transgressions for the past five decades.
Also, with only one income within each household the national debt will decrease. There will be less competition to buy extravagant items that are unnecessary for the family. With one income, families will live a more simplified life, as long as the foolish women do not act out and ask for things they do not deserve.
Regardless of how they might feel, it is their precise obligation to perform what is expected of them. They are the sole caretakers that shape their children’s future and they need to be prime examples so that the children are not confused.

Kiss and Tell

Creating an empathetic tone among readers in "Kiss and Tell", Alain de Botton utilizes indirect characterization to convey a common embarrassment parents can bring upon thei children in public situations. Isabel is at the theatre on a date when, much to her dismay, she catches glimpse of her parents. Her overbearing parents wave her down, shouting her name "at top pitch and with all the excitement of a woman recognizing a long-lost friend" in "the presence of four hundred people." At this, "Isabel smiled feebly, turned a beetroot shade", panicked she tries to ignore them, embarrassed by their overbearing characteristics. Upon their meeting during intermission, readers become aware of Isabel's father's calm, quiet demeanor in contrast to her mother's forthright, nagging behavior. After being introduced to Isabel's date her mother pleas "'She's a lovely girl really,' in case [her] theatre companion had inspired doubts to the contrary" exhibiting a nagging, attitude towards her daughter.

That Awkward Moment When...

The drive thru window opens and the attendant's face immediately changes to the most taken aback, disgusted look because your car is overheating and the wind is blowing the stem directly into the unfortunate employee's face, which proceeded to throw my coffee and bagel into my car as you sheepishly say, "uh..thank you" and drive away with your damaged car, knowing it's just about time for the mechanic to take you car, Rosie, for his time in your shared custody agreement.